dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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