I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
