how can u be prego again
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
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How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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