I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
