Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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