the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
