I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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