I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
