Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
