we have pet lesbian snakes
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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