i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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