I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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