around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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