need another drink. this is the easiest way
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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