its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
