Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
