I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
