I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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