so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize