Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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