he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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