you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
