did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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