so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
