my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
