i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize