Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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