I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
