I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
