You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
