I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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