I hate your face
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
