You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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