I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
