Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
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like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
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He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
FUCK WHALES
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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