I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
