Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
