Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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