Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
