There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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