fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he was CRYING into my vagina
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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