There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
