she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The struggles of a small town man whore
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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