he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize