The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
