So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
