If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
