You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
