Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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