wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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