Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
