I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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