matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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