Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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