soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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