Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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