even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
