You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
