What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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