Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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