dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
