Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize