Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
