What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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