There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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