maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
