She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
