Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
