I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
