An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
